|
| http://profiles.myspace.com/users/9632333 | | |
| hokay, so...
turns out the thing with that chick in my last entry didnt work out.. oh well, not a week later i have another girl! me and her are now together, and lovin it. Her name's Jennifer, she's a fashion design major at the art institute, so we get to see each other at school witch is really coo, and she lives in garland which is bad ass. She's 19, so you bastards that want to know age every time i even mention a girl, there ya go! She's really sweet, treats me like i've always wanted to be treated, no one's treated me like this in... well prolly not ever. and i do the same for her. Still kinda hard to believe someone likes me that much, but i actually believe it this time, its different. Cuz before i was just like eh... she said she likes me, blah blah... but with jennifer i believe it and love it. I know i hate love, and thinking about it, but i can see myself loving this girl in the future.. if we stay together, i'm still pecemistic, not alot of good things happen to me and stay, so we shall see, i have hopes. I think my life is complete now, goin to the school i want, living with my brother for not that much, got a wonderful girlfriend, and i'm finally happy. The only bad thing is Kinkos, that place needs to burn down... with all the customers in it, hate those bastards...
anyways i just ordered my chameleon so he'll get here next week, already got the cage set up and everything, now i just need the little shit to put in it.
| | |
| well I've decided to stop thinking about the past, relationship wise, and start looking forward to new things and new people. There's a reason ppl are your ex's... thats why they're called EX's... i'm thinkin next week i'll finally ask a girl i know at school if she wants to go out, we've been flirty n stuff, so i'm thinkin its gonna be no sweat. I havnt asked her cuz i'm affraid of hurting her with my flakyness.. that or ppl becoming WAY too attached to me too damn fast and me getting scared away, its prolly along those lines somewhere, but she seems perty coo and she lives here in dallas so that should make things easy.
School has about 3 more weeks left... but i only get 1 week off, prolly be workin the whole fukin week... oh well
Got percribed RIDDILIN!! hooray... not quite sure about this stuff, but its Concerta, a kind of riddilin, and its got the latest in medicine "technology" i guess, whatever the hell that means, but so far its worked perty good for my dumbass disorder. Hopefully it wont affect my HUGE labedo in any way like straterra did, prolly wont, but we shall see. | | |
| - think i'm realizing whats wrong with me, why i feel so empty, why i just cant be happy, its the lonliness... somethin in my life is missing... ever since first grade i've always had someone to turn to, someone to hang with, someone to confide in... and that someone isnt part of my life anymore. I have no best friend anymore, its a huge change for me. I have no idea what to do without him, i have no one i can just talk to, because no one knows me like he did.
My memory is getting worse, i cant even remember the last girlfriend i had... well serious one.. i remember girls i've liked, u never forget those. Everyone keeps telling me this girl and that girl arent good enough for me... i'd like to find someone my friends will be proud of me to be with and wouldnt bitch about it, so that i can be happy. I meet girls on the internet and that is always fun, but its just a dream... its a fantasy relationship... i know that from the reasons i lost my best friend. I want to have a girlfiend and be happy with a relationship like back in the day... but when i look at girls i might like i dont think i'm good enough, i'm affraid i'll hurt them and they'll be better off without me. I tend to flake, i'm selfish, cheap, ignorant, bad in bed, and i run away when love comes to play. thats usually how it is... I think all that would be different with a girl i reeeeaaallly liked... but usually when that happens i shower them with everything they could ever want and they take advantage of it, and so i get shit on and pushed away. not to mention i cant afford all that crap, i have no time nor patience of getting to know someone new and dealing with all their issues... i have too many of my own to swallow every thought people breathe. I feel like shit all the time about all of these things. Thats why i cant stand it when people tell me how great a guy i am, how fucking good looking i am, sometimes i wish I could be ugly just so i could escape the bullshit ppl think of me, they dont know me as well as they think... well more like WANT to know me. They think they have me figured out, but i dont even have myself figured out so how the hell do they know? I've been asked why i'm so grumpy... well here's ur fukin answer.
I have a good feeling that having someone close to me would help me tramendously... its been too long since i've felt loved. | | |
|
